Feeding Your Newborn: What I Wish Every Parent Knew

After 16 years of supporting families through their feeding journeys, I’ve witnessed countless moments of joy, struggle, triumph, and uncertainty. I’ve sat with parents at 2am troubleshooting a painful latch, celebrated with families who’ve found their rhythm with combination feeding, and supported those who’ve made the informed choice to formula feed from day one.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the “best” way to feed your baby is the way that works for YOUR family, with the right information and support behind your choices.

In my recent newsletter, I wrote about feeding choices and the importance of feeling supported in YOUR journey. This blog goes deeper, sharing the practical, evidence-based information I wish every parent had from the very beginning.

It’s Learned, Not Instinctive

Let’s start by dismantling one of the most unhelpful myths around infant feeding, that it should come naturally and instinctively to both parent and baby.

The truth? Feeding a newborn, whether by breast, bottle, or a combination is a learned skill for both of you. Your baby has reflexes that help, certainly, but these need to be supported and nurtured. They’re learning to coordinate sucking, swallowing, and breathing.

This learning curve is completely normal. When feeding feels challenging in those early days, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong or that your body has “failed.” It means you’re both learning a new skill together, and like any new skill, it takes practice, patience, and often some good support.

Feeding Your Newborn - Understanding Your Options

One of the most empowering things you can do is understand all your feeding options clearly, free from judgment or pressure. Let me walk you through them.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding involves feeding your baby directly from the breast. Human milk is specifically designed for human babies, changing composition throughout the day, throughout a feed, and as your baby grows. It provides nutrition, antibodies, and comfort.

What helps breastfeeding work well:

• Skin-to-skin contact from birth onwards (the biological norm, not just a “nice-to-have”)

• Intuitive feeding, following your baby’s cues and trusting your instincts rather than watching the clock

• Understanding that frequent feeding is normal, especially in the early weeks

• Good support with positioning and attachment is essential 

• Looking after yourself too including, rest, nutrition, hydration

Common challenges:

• Painful feeding (pain beyond initial tenderness isn’t normal and needs assessment)

• Uncertainty about milk supply

• Cluster feeding can be exhausting

• Social pressures and lack of support

If you choose to breastfeed, you deserve knowledgeable, compassionate support and not just in the early days, but throughout your feeding journey.

Formula Feeding

Formula feeding means giving your baby infant formula, which is designed to provide complete nutrition. Modern formula is safe and regulated, and many families choose this method for various reasons be they medical, practical, or personal.

What matters with formula feeding:

• Intuitive, paced bottle feeding (following baby’s cues, not forcing them to finish bottles)

• Holding your baby close during feeds, with eye contact and skin contact when possible

• Understanding that formula-fed babies also benefit from intuitive feeding, not strict schedules

• Proper preparation and storage for safety

• Choosing a formula that works for your baby (follow on milks or stage 2 milks are not needed).

Formula feeding is a valid, informed choice. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Combination Feeding

Combination feeding means using both breastfeeding and formula feeding. This might involve breastfeeding most of the time with occasional formula bottles, or a more equal mix, or anything in between.

Why families choose combination feeding:

• Flexibility for partners or other caregivers to feed

• Returning to work

• Milk supply concerns

• Personal choice and mental health

• Medical reasons

Combination feeding absolutely can work. The key is understanding how to maintain your milk supply if that’s important to you, and being confident in your choice.

Expressing and Bottle Feeding

Some parents choose to express their milk and feed it by bottle, either exclusively or in combination with direct breastfeeding. This might be because:

• Baby has difficulty feeding directly

• Parent is returning to work

• Premature baby needs support

• Medical reasons

• Personal preference

Expressing is hard work and deserves recognition. It combines all the effort of breastfeeding with all the work of bottle preparation.

Intuitive Feeding: Trusting Yourself and Your Baby

Before we dive into what’s “normal,” I want to introduce you to a concept that I believe transforms feeding journeys: intuitive feeding.

Intuitive feeding is about tuning into your baby and trusting yourself, rather than following rigid rules or schedules. It’s a two-way relationship where both you and your baby learn to read each other’s signals, building confidence and connection as you go.

When you feed intuitively, you’re:

• Following your baby’s cues rather than watching the clock

• Trusting your instincts over external “shoulds” and conflicting advice

• Learning to read your baby, their unique patterns, preferences, and communication

• Building your confidence as you discover what works for YOUR family

• Creating connection through feeding, not just providing nutrition

This approach works for ALL feeding methods - whether you’re breastfeeding, bottle feeding with formula, expressing, or using a combination. Intuitive feeding isn’t about how you feed; it’s about the relationship and trust you build whilst feeding.

The beautiful thing about intuitive feeding? It grows with you. As you get to know your baby, you become the expert on them. You learn to distinguish between different cries, recognise early hunger cues, and understand when they need comfort versus food. Your baby learns to trust that you’ll respond to their needs.

This mutual learning builds the confidence that so many parents feel they’re lacking. You’re not failing when you’re still figuring things out in week two or week six, you’re learning together. And that’s exactly as it should be.

What’s Actually Normal in the Early Days

So much anxiety in early parenthood comes from not knowing what’s normal.

Let me share what I see as normal, everyday newborn feeding behaviour.

• Frequent Feeding is Normal

• Newborns feed frequently - often 8-12 times in 24 hours, sometimes more. This isn’t a sign that they’re not getting enough or that something’s wrong. It’s how they’re biologically designed.

• Babies have tiny stomachs (about the size of a marble on day one, a ping-pong ball by day ten). They also grow incredibly fast, faster than at any other time in their lives.

• Frequent feeding is expected.

Cluster Feeding is Normal

Many babies cluster feed, particularly in the evenings. This means feeding very frequently for several hours, often with short or no gaps between feeds. It’s exhausting, but it’s not a sign of low milk supply or that formula is needed (unless you want to give formula, which is absolutely your choice).

Cluster feeding often happens before a developmental leap or growth spurt. Your baby is loading up for what’s ahead.

Night Feeding is Normal (and Necessary)

All babies whether breastfed or formula-fed need night feeds for many months. This is about development, not just nutrition. Night feeding supports brain development, growth, and attachment.

The “sleeping through the night” milestone that everyone seems obsessed with? It’s not actually developmentally appropriate for most babies under six months, and many babies continue to need night feeds well beyond this.

Your Baby’s Cues Matter More Than the Clock

Learning to read your baby’s cues is at the heart of intuitive feeding. Early hunger cues include:

• Stirring and stretching

• Mouth opening and rooting (turning head, opening mouth when cheek touched)

• Bringing hands to mouth

• Restlessness

Crying is actually a late hunger cue. By the time a baby is crying, they’re already quite distressed and may need calming before they can feed effectively.

Watch your baby, not the clock. Trust what you’re seeing and learning about your unique baby. Intuitive feeding, following their cues and your instincts works for all feeding methods, whether breast or bottle.

When Reflux Becomes a Concern

Nearly every parent worries about reflux at some point. Let me help you understand what’s normal and what needs attention. Posseting is normal. 

Most babies posset (bring up small amounts of milk). This is incredibly common and usually nothing to worry about if your baby is:

• Gaining weight appropriately

• Generally content and settled

• Having plenty of wet and dirty nappies

• Meeting developmental milestones

Posseting happens because the muscle at the top of the stomach (the lower oesophageal sphincter) is still developing. It’s not painful for most babies, just messy for you!

When to Be Concerned

Reflux becomes a concern when it’s causing significant problems:

• Baby seems in pain during or after feeds

• Consistent refusal to feed or extreme distress around feeding

• Poor weight gain

• Frequent projectile vomiting (not just posseting)

• Back arching and extreme discomfort

• Persistent coughing or choking during feeds

If you’re seeing these signs, please seek support. Sometimes what looks like reflux is actually related to feeding difficulties, tongue-tie, or cow’s milk protein allergy. A thorough assessment is important.

Could Tongue-Tie Be Affecting Feeding?

As a trained tongue-tie practitioner, I see many babies where restriction of the frenulum is impacting feeding. Tongue-tie (ankyloglossia) is when the membrane under the tongue (the frenulum) restricts tongue movement.

Signs That Might Indicate Tongue-Tie

For the feeding parent:

• Persistent pain during feeding (beyond the first few days)

• Damaged or misshapen nipples

• Feeling like baby isn’t draining the breast effectively

• Low milk supply concerns

For the baby:

• Difficulty latching or staying attached

• Clicking sounds during feeding

• Sliding off the breast or bottle

• Frustration at the breast

• Falling asleep quickly at the breast but waking hungry soon after

• Poor weight gain

• Excessive wind or reflux symptoms

Not every tongue-tie needs treatment, but every tongue-tie deserves proper assessment. I’ve written a comprehensive blog about tongue-tie assessment on my website, which goes into much more detail about this.

If feeding is painful or difficult, please don’t suffer in silence. Assessment can make all the difference.

When to Seek Support

You don’t need to wait until things are in crisis to ask for help. In fact, early support often prevents problems from developing.

Seek Help If:

Urgent (within 24 hours):

• Baby isn’t having enough wet and dirty nappies (fewer than 6 wet nappies by day 5, or no dirty nappies for several days)

• Significant weight loss (more than 10% of birth weight)

• Baby is lethargic, floppy, or unresponsive

• You have severe breast pain, fever, or flu-like symptoms

• Baby has a fever or seems unwell

Soon (within a few days):

• Feeding is extremely painful

• You’re worried about milk supply

• Baby seems unsettled after most feeds

• You’re struggling emotionally

• Things just don’t feel right

When It Would Help (anytime):

• You have questions about feeding

• You want to make changes to how you’re feeding

• You’d like reassurance that things are normal

• You want feeding to feel easier or more enjoyable

Remember: seeking support isn’t admitting defeat. It’s being smart and caring for yourself and your baby.

Your Feeding Journey Deserves Support

Here’s what I want you to know: however you feed your baby, you deserve compassionate, knowledgeable support that respects YOUR choices and YOUR family’s needs.

You don’t need to justify your feeding decisions to anyone. Whether you breastfeed exclusively, use formula from day one, combine both methods, or exclusively express your choice is valid.

What matters is that you have:

• Accurate information to make informed decisions

• Practical support when you need it

• Emotional support throughout your journey

• Freedom from judgment about your choices

• Someone who truly listens to your concerns and goals

As an IBCLC and independent midwife, this is how I work. I’m not here to push you toward any particular feeding method. I’m here to support YOU in feeding YOUR baby, however that looks for your family.

Trust Yourself

I’ll leave you with this: you know your baby better than anyone else. If your instinct tells you something isn’t quite right, trust it. If you need help, ask for it. If you need to change your feeding plan, do it.

Every feeding journey is unique. Some are straightforward, others are complex. Some involve challenges that require support, others flow easily. None is better or worse than another.

What matters is that you feel supported, informed, and confident in your choices.

Your baby doesn’t need perfect feeding. They need you to be tuned in, caring, trusting yourself, doing your best with the information and support you have.

And that? That’s exactly what you’re giving them.

Need Support?

If you’re in the East Midlands or South Yorkshire and would like support with infant feeding, I offer:

• IBCLC lactation consultations

• Tongue-tie assessment and treatment

• Postnatal visits with feeding support

• Intuitive feeding guidance for all feeding methods

I also run a monthly Mama & Baby Café at The Walled Garden Workshop in Chesterfield, offering baby weighing, feeding support, and a welcoming space for mothers with babies under 6 months.

You can read more about my approach to postnatal care and tongue-tie assessment on my website, and subscribe to my monthly newsletter for regular insights on pregnancy, birth, and early parenthood.

You’ve got this. And when you need support, I’ve got your back 🩶

References and Further Reading

The following books have deeply informed my practice and understanding of infant feeding. I highly recommend them for parents who want to explore these topics in more depth:

• Young, C. Why Breastfeeding Matters. London: Pinter & Martin Ltd.

• Banks, S. Why Bottle Feeding Matters. London: Pinter & Martin Ltd.

• Smyth, C. Why Infant Reflux Matters. London: Pinter & Martin Ltd.

• Oakley, S. Why Tongue-tie Matters. London: Pinter & Martin Ltd.

These books are part of the excellent “Why It Matters” series from Pinter & Martin, which provides evidence-based, accessible information for parents on a wide range of pregnancy, birth, and parenting topics.

All views and advice in this blog are based on current evidence-based practice, my professional training as a registered midwife and International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), and 16 years of clinical experience supporting families.

Sally Goodwin is an independent midwife, IBCLC, and trained tongue-tie practitioner based in North East Derbyshire, covering South Yorkshire and the East Midlands. She provides compassionate, evidence-based maternity and infant feeding support, with a focus on informed choice and continuity of care.

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Related Blog Posts:

• Tongue-tie: The Importance of a Thorough and Thoughtful Assessment

• Postnatal Care: Supporting Families After Birth

• Navigating Maternity Care: Making Empowered Decisions

With grateful thanks to Jasmine Di Nitto for gifting me the use of our first two images.